For our daughter. I’ve been hyperfocused on this task since last week, and marginally so for several months now. 

This process triggered some twinge-y feelings, such as that my husband helped OW pay for a car. That he still needs to sell his truck since she rode in it. That for a brief portion of our marriage, he prioritized his time, attention, and even his wallet, away from our family. That this is the same daughter he yelled at that he had nothing to be happy about a few months before DDay. It kills him that he made her cry that day. 

He’s excited about giving her this car. It’s really nice. Drives beautifully. Well-cared for, for an 11-year old car. And he will score major points because we will be surprising her with a convertible, which she has always wanted. He’s proud of what he can do for our kids, and so am I. 

But. 

At least for now, there is always the reminder of what almost happened. What did happen. The choices he made and the consequences he risked. It paints every joy with a touch of sorrow. 

I hope that one day it will be different, and that we can just be happy without remembering the hell he dragged us through. 

I often try to remind myself to stay in the present, but oh how I wish that we could change the past. Or if not, that the past could just stay there and not intrude on today’s joy. 

I wonder, how do you balance the good stuff from today while still going through the process of recovering from infidelity?