I used to love them but after DDay, the term “roller coaster” has a new meaning, and frankly, it sucks. As they say, recovery is not linear; instead, it is up and down, over and over again…though in the earliest days, it’s mostly just DOWN, and the prospect of feeling up ever again seems impossible. In infidelity circles, that feeling of utter despair is often called “in the hole”, but before I found my support forum, I remember telling my husband that I was lost in the abyss …of mourning, of grief, and of unbearable agony. And if I didn’t usually say it, I still often thought “How could you?” as I looked at the man who was my husband, and at the same time, a stranger who merely looked like someone I once knew.
A few days ago, my friend wrote about this very topic. As we get farther out and away from DDay, and as we make more progress in healing, I think these roller coaster days, where we dip down after have relatively good days, are shocking in a different way. When we’ve enjoyed hours or days where our thoughts stayed in the present, where life feels almost normal again – not the old normal, but at least a new normal that isn’t so volatile – and then we’re thrust downward because of an unexpected trigger or just because those thoughts are still like open browser tabs just waiting for us to “click” on the page and bring everything to the fore. Or like this morning, when I read an article written by a delusional OW who seemed to attempt to justify her feelings about another woman’s husband. You know what? Fuck that noise. …but not literally, Mr. Cheating Man. Keep it in your damn pants.
Anyway. Happy Friday, Internet. I’m ready for a good weekend. I bet you are, too.